Monday, September 30, 2002

MAYBE I CAN SLEEP THROUGH THE PAIN


i made an official decision today, and that is when i get out of college, i am moving to a more open-minded part of the country.

at 116 pounds and standing at a decently tall 5 foot 6 inches, Twiggy thinks she is fat. what does that say about our society? the girl next to her (the one on the left) looks as if she hasn't eaten in months and should be admitted to some sort of a rehab center. she looks sick to me. is sick looking supposed to be sexy? if it is, what does THAT say about our society? sick as sexy

P.S. i had to rewrite this because my cat jumped on the keyboard... how annoying is that?

i don't understand how this girl can write a one word entry and get 24 comments. i guess some people are that cool.

Sunday, September 29, 2002

TRIPLE OVER TIME


this is the story from the game last night...

i'm gonna write more about it later on...

Friday, September 27, 2002

AS IT TURNS OUT


just as one might have expected, or maybe not, turns out Al Queda is a bigger threat than Saddam, althought Bush would have you think otherwise which makes me think he is using Saddam and the Iraq 'crisis' as a diversion from what he and our wonderful U.S. Government can not do. find al queda.

i plan on going to this event in November. if you are in the Auburn/Opelika area, i urge (did you say urge?) you to go as well.... that is if you give a crap about this stuff.

Thursday, September 26, 2002

NOW YOU CAN TELL THAT THIS IS SOAP, HOPEFULLY



so i got a comment telling me how annoying i was and not to comment. i feel real special now...oh well, enough people don't think i am annoying, but i still care

Wednesday, September 25, 2002

STILL WEARING MY RAINCOAT

so, i was just bitching to lauren about how no one writes comments and she commented that she had... which i somehow had missed. well, looking over the comments, i realized that i am just a blind moron who didn't see who had left the comment. yes, i have these comment boxes, but apparently am unable to read them correctly. so, for awhile, i thought someone had left it and forgotten to put their name, but as it turns out i just miss things like that.

i just went to McAlister's Deli for the first time in my life, as sad as that is. I went with my dad and my uncle, who stockpiles McAlister's cups. There is something about the cups that makes the tea just taste better... we all have our little things. It's weird because i can remember noticing those cups at his house before i found out about his love for them and i wondered why he was drinking out of it since he hadn't gone that day. i now know that magic of the McAlister cup. well, i don't KNOW the magic, because i don't experience it, but now i get why i always saw them sitting around in the kitchen.

so, i told my dad about the tattoo he didn't know about. actually, i had a feeling they had seen a glimpse of it before by accident, but it turns out he had no idea. (points for me for keeping it hidden.)

actually, this is what happend...this is the story

one of the girls that worked there came over to the table and the three of us had been wondering about the locations of the restaurant and if there were any in Houston, or in Texas at all. The girl seemed excited about the chain and went on about how they were ALL over and one in Tyler, Texas, one around Dallas and one around Houston... blah blah blah... she continued to ask if we were from Texas and from Houston.

She was like, "oh, i just LOVE Texas... I wish i was from Texas"

At that, i promplty reached behind me to lift my shirt up and show her my tattoo which was i was sure she would appreciate. Before i got very far, i realized my dad didn't even know about it and he was sitting right there. She walked away and i told my dad i had another secret to tell him but not to worry. He thought it was cool, and that was about it. He hates the ones that are down there... lower back, but i assured him you can't see it, and that was about it. wow, he has moved on. i'm so proud...but mostly becuase that means i have to deal with less crap.


ack, a flash flood warning going into tomorrow. These used to excite me becuase it meant there was a good chance there would be no school the next day. well, that was in Houston where people come to school from all over and some have to drive up to an hour or so to even get to school, so to be fair to people that couldn't get there, school was cancled alot. not alot, but we had flood days marked on the calander rather than snow days...

NOW, nobody travels farther than 5 blocks to get to school... (exaggeration, but you get the point.. it is Auburn afterall-- 4th largest city in Alabama on game days)

so, i went to the houston website, just to make sure i put up the right link, and there is this section called "report a pothole" and i just laughed... because if you are from houston (or have been there i suppose) then you know its pothole bonanza over there... if you aren't from there, you probably don't find this amusing at all. Two words, one street, San Felipe.

i started typing about my day, then erased it because i realized it was a dumb and even dumber day, so screw it

Tuesday, September 24, 2002

i wish you people would leave comments... ya'll suck. i guess that isn't the way to get them, but whatever, i am thinking of something else now, so good bye


i scanned this mostly for you kace
so, i remember

i want to type this song list... doesn't matter which one, cause i know which one
i wanted to talk about this story that i found on this girl's website
there was one more i think, but i forgot

I KNOW THE PIECES FIT


so, there are absolutely millions of things i want to write about really.

about this way cool wireless keyboard my dad got me that has keys that are really fun to press and have a plastic ring to them with each letter.
about my wireless mouse that my dad got for me that pleasantly surprised me. i figured with no wires, that it would lag, but once again, i am amazed by technology.

about my wonderful friends and how much i appreciate them. sometimes i can get irritated with people, or just plain used to having people around and i take for granted how important they really are. not just as people, but as people that really do care about me and put up and deal with me even if they are on the nerve of pulling their hair out. i really hadn't realized how much i love my friends until this past weekend when their actions showed that they just might really care about me, and that i need to stop being paranoid about people and their motivations. not that i was really paranoid about any of my friends, but i learned this weekend that they really do care and maybe my presence in their life isn't just to fill the space and time between important events.

not that i really was ever convinced that's what i was or am, but just about everything crosses my mind...

i already was aware of how much i love my boyfriend, which is why i didn't say anything about him in the above paragraph, but i know i am so lucky to have someone like him to be there for me the way he is.... i am the luckiest girl in the world, and i know that. (or at least feel that way)

what else was it that i wanted to talk about? i can't remember... is that a big surprise or what?
well, i suppose that i will just go for now and maybe i'll remember one of these days

Monday, September 23, 2002



my fortune from China Palace... steam/fried pork dumplings.. mmm..
i love when the fortune directly relates to my life

Wednesday, September 18, 2002

is it really supposed to be this way?
i'm not even sure that i am alive
though parts of my body pulse and throb with emotion
my head feels empy

is she speaking english
i don't understand a word

my head keeps falling
its heavy from my goals
it is all so surreal
am i really even here?

Tuesday, September 17, 2002

it turns out that i was wrong all along. you do care, you just didn't let me know soon enough
all i can do is sit and cry and cry and feel my jaw tense up as my teeth chatter. i mean, i dont what shit to be part of my life the way it is now. it is all abuse that can be prevented and it makes me sick to sit here and watch you waste away because you don't seem to care. you don't seem to care about your own well being as much as i do and there is something wrong. is it me and my nuerotic ways? or is it really just you? since when did it become a daily basis thing and is it going to stop... you say yes, but i still get scared.

it'd be clear that i am sick
maybe we can see thorugh the light
onto the other side
where people are happy

i'm at ease with myself
but not with my life
it's not supposed to be this way
monthly to weekly to daily
it makes me sick

Monday, September 16, 2002

well, the tiny little town of wooster, Ohio, which doesn't even have a pawn shop (according to my other half, kacie, who goes to college of wooster), a 14 year old girl dissapeared and they think they may have found her remains in a swamp.

HERE WE GO WITH TODAY


here is to today, and here i am...


that is all i have to say.
except that people are calling ME for help with their school work and studying.. wow, talk about a change
i don't even think i can type how i feel... i must resprt to pen and paper.

Saturday, September 14, 2002


maybe i should start a sex column here at auburn, like this girl did at Yale
kacie and others always thought i should go into writing about sex... i could start here.. haha

wouldn't that make charlie and sue happy?? haha

people wonder how i am not a President Bush fan, coming from Texas and all... well, if you look what he has done to our state, you'll see exactly why
houston (the city this time, not my cat) has already been named the worst pollution in the country... turns out, it is only getting worse

NO, i am NOT blaming him for all of the pollution problems, but it did get seemingly worse (e.g. it was during his term that we even got worse ratings than L.A. for pollution) when he was in office and he didn't do a damn thing about it, and NOW Erin goes to nutrition class at the University of Oklahoma and her professor warns the class that if you come from Houston you have a much higher chance of heart problems because of the wretched pollution. isn't that just wonderful news for us Houstonians? in fact, i'm peeing in my pants from the excitement of this wonderful news.

i'm going to try the sleep thing again. it seems that it is desperately needed at this point.


YES, THERE IS MORE


i found soem really cool wallpaper stuff at the same guy's webpage... here's the badass wallpaper

WHY AM I AWAKE FOR PETE'S SAKE


going through stuff on the computer, i freaked out when i found this guy on here who has this picture which is so cool because it reminded me of this picture of kacie that we took when we went to Disney Land.. or World.. which ever one of those is in Orlando.



THE TRAIN REMINDS ME THAT I 'M STILL HERE


My phone rang and it said my parents were calling. Why would my parents call me at 2:15 in the morning? Then i remembered that my sister lives back in Houston now with them, and it is friday night. chances are that she is in trouble. She only calls at this hour if she is running from the cops, witnessing her friends getting arrested, or being yelled at by my parents.

I answered and she told me needed me to help her.
She just walked in the door and dad is FREAKING out she claimed. i was actually somewhat suprised and said,
"i didn't know he still did that."

"yes. he does it all the time"
She said that he was going out to yell at the guys outside.
She said he threatended to call the cops.

Turns out there were two guys out there, not guys, but shitheads. I asked her why she was with them anyway and replied with a whiney "'cause i want to."

"Are you drunk?"

"Yes, and dad knows that."

"i can't believe i just now noticed."

She cried to me about how much dad was embrassing her. Everyone once in awhile, she would slip the mouthpiece down to her chin away from her mouth to respond to dad's angry voice in the background.

I could hear his voice in the background and it took me back to being a young teenager innocently sitting at my desk, thinking i knew everything. i see ugly brown carpet that mom had bitched about since we moved in over ten years ago, with my dad staring at me from the doorway with his eyes opened so wide that it looked like it hurt. I remember slamming doors and late nights of crying in my bed wondering when it would all be over...
it's over now. at least for me it is.
now my sister is going through teenage hell.

he demanded to know who she was talking to on the phone and with his answer, he requested to talk to me.

"tell your sister to get her act straight." I knew by the tone in his voice that he was more than serious.

with that, i am worried. it's been a long time since my parents have asked me to help with my sister's unpredictable and crazy ways. (must run in the family)
I know i need to though because of who the guys were that were outside. i know she is in a bad place if she is with 'him'. It wasn't long ago she confessed to me what a shit he was and how glad she was to have nothing to do with him.
I'm obviously not much help to my suffering sister who gets off the phone with me to call mom for support against "the cruel and unusual treatment" she feels she is being subjected to... i mean, to which she feels she is being subjected. (don't want to end a sentence with a preposition, but isn't that too many "she"s for one sentence?)

I'm very curious as to what the hell the people above me are doing to create such a racket.

TO WATCH FISH OR TO WATCH THE BACK OF ONE'S EYELIDS...


so, it turns out that our very own continent is moving up in the world and realizing that the only thing wrong with marijuana is that it is illegal.
I found out from Ed's away message that Canada is really looking into legalizing the drug...

Even in the United States, not California, but Nevada is voting on the legalization of marijuana on November 5th.

Friday, September 13, 2002

THE LITTLE COMPUTER NERD THAT COULD - CARRIE


so... it turns out we really ARE in it together. Even Bill Gates is losing money. I never remember how much he's got in the first place, but when i saw how much he's got now AFTER losing a ton of money.

Wednesday, September 11, 2002

TOMORROW IS HERE AND SO ARE WE


so i actually have very mixed feelings on the entire September 11 issue...
it's a very controversial issue ya know, and i really don't want to get into it now.
One thing is for sure, i am glad that i don't have cable, cause i know i wouldn't want to watch that depressing stuff all day. i don't think it would be good for my health.

The thing is, i have this thing about numbers, so i thought this article about New York's winning lottery numbers on the anniversary of the 9/11 stuff...

Less than an hour to get my math homework done and get to math class which i despise. it isn't that bad i guess, but since i have to actually go to homework now, i'll expand on that one later.

This was Lauren's away message this morning:

We are all sitting
Legs crossed round a fire
My yellow flame she dances
Tequila drinking, oh, our
Minds will wander
To wondrous places

for u linz


wow, i feel so special :)

AND then this one was on Carrie's, which as you can see, isn't really for me, but kinda is all at the same time:

Another message to my friends (actually just Linzey since she's the only one to read this): There are some days where I am able to see the world so clearly.My life feels lucid and untainted. However, there are other days where everything is blurred by false words and superficial smiles. Somedays I analyze our daily life to see the impact for us presently as well as the impact to our future. Somedays I don't like what I see. I feel corrupt. I know we are good people but sometimes when life becomes too transparent I begin to think we are taking the road most traveled and that we are subject to things that will bring immediate gratification. I don't think this makes us any less moral than anyone else. I used to take the feeling of corruptness and wonder what is wrong with me. Now I see that the only thing wrong is that I am letting the outside world tell me what my values should be.

WELL, WE'RE STILL HERE


well, it's the morning of September 11th, i guess for a lot of people, it is the afternoon, and we are still here. not like i was really worried about myself, here in auburn, i doubt this would be a main target. it isn't even that i really think anything in particular will happen, it's just the thought of the huge mess it was last year... well, it all just makes me nervous.

i really wanted to make a great play list to listen to to get me ready for the day, but for the life of me, i can not figure out how to do it with windows media player and it is making me feel like a real dumbass. i know it isn't supposed to be this hard, and i am starting to think that i am really NOT an idiot and maybe it is the computer just being dumb.
my kitten is just too adorable for words. he follows me around my apartment like a little puppy with absolutely nothing to do. when i'm not walking around, he lays at my feet under my desk, just like my dogs did back home.

Tuesday, September 10, 2002

LOTS AND LOTS OF THINGS


there are always so many things i want to write about, but i've been awfully busy, and awfully pissed about the deconstruction of my web page. turns out it was for the better though... i had a few mistakes i wasn't sure how to fix, and they are fixed now, yay!!

seeing eye dogs are so hard to look at because all i want to do is pet them and love them for being so cute and for being so helpful for someone who needs it, but they have that sign on them, or at least the one i saw the other day did:
"DO NOT PET. AT WORK"

i'm sure they are rewarded somehow by someone... i'm sure.

the other night at church, the priest that spoke also did this commercial type of presentation in the middle of his liturgy about donating money to children. I can't remember the website, but Leslie has it. anyway, at the end of mass, i was thinking how the new fashion trend was the pamphlet sticking out of your back pocket (if you are a guy) or sticking out of your purse (if you are girl, naturally). whatever, i just noticed lots of pamphlets, and it seemed like the fashion trend for the night.

anyway, too much stuff to do to do what i really want to do. oh well, that's the way it goes.

WHATEVER...


so, it looks like things are alright, but i do have alot of work to do now on this page.. but its all good. ill do some more later on most likely, after i do what i need to do.
Just so much to do, and so little time to do it in. I would probably have ample time to get everything done i wanted too get done, plus some, if i didn't waste so much time really.
Trying something new
hoping it will work

THE WAY THINGS USED TO BE

so, i finally decided to go back to the template i had before, this green one. although i loved the other one, i just don't have time to deal with all that crap now, and now i have tons more to deal with cause i have to put all my links back up and this and that back up, and there are so many things i woudl rather be doing with my time, like studying for all the crap i need to study for. I'm also going to try another image using this new idea...



if the above pictures actually shows up, it is carrie and me on the first day of school this year

Sunday, September 08, 2002

WHATEVER THE CASE MAY BE


this image didnt show up on the side of the page, but maybe it will show up here. if it doesn't.. well, ill worry about that later

I'M GOING TO CHURCH


so, there are a ton of things i wanted to write about, but didn't, and i am still going to, but i am too busy for now, and i am going to church tonight. I am going to St. Michael's with Leslie.

whatever

whatever this is
im really pissed at myself now
will i ever get this to work?
i am starting to think NO

Wednesday, September 04, 2002

SMALL WORLD


so, i really do need to get to typing my notes from class, but oh shoot, maybe i will just do it. nevermind.

i was sitting in math, staring ahead of me wondering if what we were going to do today was going to rip me apart inside or if i was going to be able to handle it when i overhead the kid next to me saying how lucky some girl was because for him to go home, it is a 12 hour drive. what a coincidence i thought... i live 11 hours away.
I asked him where he was from, and he said Houston, and can you believe this, he actually IS from Houston. (in contrast to the millions of people who say that and then i am let down to find out they are really not from Houston, they just wish they were or something) Well, i guess he still might not be, but that doens't really matter anyway, the point is that he just happend to be assigned next to me and he is from where i am from. THAT'S NOT ALL.

he also went to one of my brother schools. he knows people i went to school with since 5th grade.
anyway, that was pretty much the extent of our conversation, besides a few details about a few people that isn't really important, well, not in my life. He went back to hittin on the girl in front of us, which is fine by me.

so mom is going to the Cayman Islands next weekend, all expenses paid. apparently she is a big shot where she works. i was unaware of this information. i knew she USED to be a big shot, but she is always talking about how poor we are, so i figured she was a big shot no longer. She is also going to Toronto and San Diego all expenses paid. Maybe i should swich majors??

Tuesday, September 03, 2002

EMERGENCY NOTICE TO PPL WHO ACTUALLY READ THIS


if you care to read about the concert... i posted it for the day i actually started writing about it, so you're gonna have to scroll down a bit.

MAYBE I REALLY AM LOVED


my comments have returned home. maybe they could sense that i missed them. my archives are still missing. maybe the comments can tell me where to find them. maybe they were hiding out together.

it is sad... how i feel productive just by being out of bed, or off the couch. that is what this weekend has done to me. i need to get back in the groove, and i am going to get back in the groove as soon as i finish this other entry here that i forgot i already started... its about the concert.

EVERYTHING ALWAYS DISSAPEARS


my comments seemed to have managed to escape from me. did they run away? were they kidnapped? i hope they didn't run away, it would make me feel like a bad parent.
they have been missing for two days now. good grief... come back to me comments!!!!

I AM STILL NOT SURE, I AM NEVER SURE IT SEEMS


i have yet to figure out where the hell my archives went. this page has been viewed over 300 times... so, that may be nothing to most, but it excites me, so there.

so, i am actually supposed to be sitting in 20th Century Religious Thought right now with Mr. Richard Penaskovic, a very cute old man. I never really thought he was that cute of an old man until Jenn pointed it out, and now i totally agree, even if he doesn't like me--which would be due to the summer reputation i established for myself in his class that i took then.

first of all, Lauren was going to come over here to give me my Engendering America book back and so i figured she could drop me off at class. I hadn't mentioned this plan to her, and so she dilly daddled, and i decided to walk to class.

i couldn't find my oakley's, so i tried the nine west sunglasses i have. i pop an adderall over the sink that is filled with dirty dishes and then leave. My apartment is a mess.

( i just noticed the Bud Ice sitting here that i didn't finish last night... darn it)

the sun is much too bright and my eyes are beginning to water and i decide that i can probably make better use of my time cleaning my apartment, running errands (like going to the grocery store since my friends are eating me out of my apartment (when i have no friends, i complain, when i do have friends, i complain... go figure--in all honesty, i don't have SHIT to complain about)

so, i stood on Magnolia for awhile trying to decide what to do with my life as of today, while this ugly turquoise camaro pulls out of one of the millions of parking lots like a badass and fishtales around ( the street is dry, but i don't know what to call it--he skidded all over the place, whatever) and then races down the street a couple yards to turn... and his car sounds like complete shit. really, fix your damn car.

CAREFULLY LICKING HIS PAWS


just got back from Leslie's. Monday night.
There was a 'get-together' at the house behind hers. it was obviusly some sort of weirdo and queer frat thing, but we never figured out what it was about. i dont think anyone really cares. i care, because im curious, and i really don't know mmuch about that stuff. i dont care about spell check right now because my wrists are a little sore.

Sunday, September 01, 2002

I HAVE MANY BAD HABITS


i awoke to the following away message posted by Carrie. (she has no homepage or i'd link it)

To all my friends: Do you remember what we did last night? It's all a blur for me. It always seems to end up this way, fragmented attempts to piece together parts of our life that are fading into oblivion. Some things happen so quickly but there significance will impact us for a life time. I don't ever want to be that person.My biggest fear is to one day look into the mirror and wonder where my life has gone. Up in smoke? Or dwelling on times past? I just want to live my life and do what I want to do. I want no responsibilities and no commitments. Maybe I am just young and experiencing freedom for the first time in my life. I don't know these are my random thoughts and if you are reading this you're probably a friend so you don't really give a shit if I'm being weird or not.

back to the bad habits thing: (reference to the title in case you didn't read it)

one of which is picking up random pieces of trash that for some reason i think are really cool.
yesterday that piece of trash was part of a broken glass smoking device i found in the dirt.

we were at Hi-Fi Buys Amphitheater ( will be known as Lakewood from here on out) tailgating before the show started and we had to make a pee run. it took Carrie forever to convince Amy that peeing in the woods was okay, and she finally gave in. we found a small area of woods, which is where i found my 'treasure.'

when we got back, i searched desperately for Scottie and reached in my bag for my phone to call him and ended up totally ripping a cut in my finger and blood just gushed out. i haven't bled that much (not including martha) since i cut my finger with the lid of a tuna can in elementary school.

anyway, found Scottie...he had a napkin i used to stop the bleeding, which took forever and a day. so, next thing, this golf cart pulls up and the cop in the passenger seat starts yelling at us to get into the show. really, he could have just asked, but i guess cops don't do that do they? they threw a garbage bag at us and told us to clean up our mess, which we did. then we stood around forever as i got very impatient, and we packed up brett's pathfinder and walked across the street to meet him there at another grassy area being used for parking. we drank and hung out, whatever, we peed a lot behind this old blazer or something crappy, whatever it was. there was a cop who pulled up and sat in the field for awhile, he didn't bother us, had nothing to do with us, but Justin freaked out about the cop, and then ed freaked out about justin freaking out. maybe freaking out is an exaggeration.

lauren had to pee, and as hard as we tried, she refused to pee in the woods. so, she went into the show. i have a memory that i'm not sure really happened, but when lauren wouldn't pee, did amy say "don't be a pussy!" did anyone say that? did i say that? who knows...

i totally missed Nappy Roots and went into the concert at the end of N.E.R.D. what did we do in the concert? we just chilled, and blocked the wind, and just had a good time. Hoobastank came on, and Scottie and i had to use the restroom.
we went into the men's room... no one seemed to notice when i went in. But, after we were in there for a little while, some guy came to the stall we were in and said "i think you are in the wrong bathroom." after quickly getting ourselves back together i said sorry and we left. i was extremely pissed at the time because i thought the guy was just a regular ole joe at the concert and i couldn't understand why a guy would have a problem with me being in there, i mean, come on, really. Turns out, he worked there, so he was just doing his job. alright, i can handle that. we all have jobs we have to do. (i am not doing mine-- any of the things i need to do)

311 came on and we had a great time during that one. i got pictures and it was a good show for sure.... "who's got the herb?" (gotta love that garlic right?)
Jay-Z came on last and well, i don't think many of us were impressed. Ed and Brian were long gone, Scottie and I made a run for his Jeep in the parking lot. It was parked near the cop directing traffic, so we moved...put on a great show and that's about enough of that, before we got hold of the rest of the gang who were all at Waffle House, naturally. (Houston, i don't think we're in Texas anymore-- that may have only made sense in my head)

The Waffle House happened to be way over at Holcombe bridge, but whatever...they didn't have my pie either. the waffle was good, and carrie notified me that the plans had changed, that she was going home that night. sounded good to me, so scottie and i went home too.

So, lauren made this HUGE deal about the directions. Wrote them down, told us a million times, and i told her, i think i can handle it. she was like.. no, its really..well, you'll see. anyway, i had this idea that she was exaggerating about the confusion of how to get to Lakewood... well, turns out i was right. she said to pass a certain exit and then turn around ... well, we passed the exit and there was no turn around, naturally, because we were still driving down the highway. well, we were supposed to exit the exit after Langford (or whatever it was) which she failed to mention (she didn't know the name of the exit we were supposed to exit) but we figured we'd have to exit to turn around anyway. well, we exited and just followed these signs and VOILA! we were there.. no trouble at all. in fact, i had expected it to be similar to the woodlands chaos, but it wasn't ... it was very simple and easy, thank God.

here we are... i was offered to get a pic in the parking lot, but i could swear she said it would be 50 bucks. i heard wrong.

from left to right: Carrie, Lauren, me, and Scottie

aren't we fabulous??