Wednesday, October 30, 2002


it finally feels like october outside. it did the other day, but today is better because i'm in a better mood. on a day like today, mom would open all the windows in the house. it was so nice. skipper would spend a lot of time outside on a day like this, laying out on the patio, stare up into the sky and just let the wind blow through his hair. i opened my window here, which i haven't done in a long time. i did, when i first moved in, but it gets annoying closing it, locking it (it's a little stiff) and then putting the wooden bar in there for better protection against burglary or something, 'cause i'm on the first floor'. that was jaqueline's explanation when i moved in here about the bars in the windows (not burgular bars mind you), it was because we were on the first floor. i didn't it much into account until now. now that the CPO people are patrolling this place because of an increase in burglaries. well, that's the word on the street.

now that the leaves are falling more and the trees are thinning out, i can actually see more of the house on the other side of the fence. i could always see the top of it, but now i'll be able to see somebody else's world, or at least a glimpse of it, from my very own apartment. i can't believe i am awake at this hour, ten forty-six a.m is pretty good for me, and i've been up for two hours.


if you are in the market for a dust buster thingy, i highly recommend the scorpion by dirt devil. i'm not being paid to say this, but if anyone working for dirt devil sees this and wants to pay for endorsing your product, i'd be fine with that.

Tuesday, October 29, 2002

i've been meaning to change the way this site looks a little for awhile, and i think it actually might happen soon. anyway, i just found this guy who, as it turns out, is in the same town i am, and he even has a link to my page. i was gonna go ahead and link to his page right now, but i am just to lazy. oh, well i may as well do it now. whatever.

so last night, my entire dream was based on harry potter and how to become him or understand him, i can't remember much but i do know it was harry potter based and today on AIM Today, there he was, Harry Potter himself, the man of my dreams, not in a sexy way, but in a literall way.

i know i talk about this girl a lot, but i am just drawn to her page. what i saw on her page today made me remember how ugly my kitchen is and my carpet and how i can't wait until i can live somewhere cute, but low and behold, i am only 19, so i have time, and i should be living somewhere ugly at this age anyway really.


diet vanilla coke is already out, and i was thinking about a lot of things that i wanted to think about more, but i (responsibly) decided to finish everything i started yesterday.
wait though, there is one thing i wanted to think about a little more and it's that i went to highschool with this girl, sat across from her in saturday school and always thought she had cute clothes (that is, not in uniform obviously) and now she is on the front page of this list i have saved in my favorites of last meal requests of deathrow inmates in Hunstville, Texas. one of their requests includes vanilla coke as kacie pointed out which made me wonder how much time had passed from when vanilla coke came out until now because it didn't seem that long and he was already dead. alot of people requested coke actually.

Sunday, October 27, 2002

Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?

brought to you by Quizilla

quizzes are fun, i try not to get too into them because they can really clutter your webpage, like i did when i first got this thing. anyway, watch out for me, apparently.. well, in case you didn't already know you needed too..
somebody from central Texas called me. twice actually. the second time, i believe, they wussed out and only let it ring for a short while. there isn't anyone in central texas i want to talk to anyway, but they could have at least left a message so i knew who it was. the only person in central texas who i'd want to talk to is Fiona, and it wasn't her area code.

i wish i'd been posting more lately, but i'm just such a lazy bum. actually, maybe it's a good thing...i've spent a lot less time on the computer lately. i can't think of what else i've been doing with my time though except for sleeping, which maybe isn't such a good thing, but i can't help it.

i woke up at noon or so i guess, and Dr. Reddy would be appalled, but she can go to hell. it's not like i want to live like this, it's just that trying to do things differently isn't very easy, and oh my good lord is it frusterating. you should see my kitchen floor. i have these mats in there that my mom got for me and they keep sliding around (that damn cat) and i want to tape them down ( i bought some tape for it already) but first i have to get down and dirty with the kitchen floor because taping mats down to a dirty floor makes me wanna throw up.

alright, i'm gonna go read the newspaper before my cat destroys it. i'm also gonna post this before he erases it.

oh my nasty. this petal pumping page actually gets people off of something. i mean, we all have our thing i guess, but i can just imagine someone with these pictures posted all over their bedroom wall and i just don't get the feet thing so much i guess. i thought we all agreed that feet were kinda gross. i say, whatever floats your boat and tickles your pickle, but here is a picture that should lure you to the foot fetish page.

this one is especially for you kace, in dedication of that day we pretended to have a foot fetish in an AOL chatroom which totally backfired when we got a totally nasty picture of someone's feet with the 'evil seed' all over them. yuck

Friday, October 18, 2002


first of all, i found my mother's comment, finally. it was in an old post... in fact, it is from the September 23rd post.
when i went to the comments crap, i found out that i have had a total of 43 comments (i think it was 43, if not, somewhere close to that)
yeah, so some of them are repeats becasue the comments program keeps messing up, BUT still, that is a lot of comments... in fact, it is enough for me to know that i have not read all of them. obviously, i am missing some that people attach to old posts.

oh yeah, and for people that do not read this every day, or who just read it when they remember or can get around to it, that is fine. i do not expect everyone to be as obsessed with my life as i am. i do not take everything personally. lucky for me, i have learned to distinguish from things to take personally and what not to take personally. okay, so that's a lie, but this happens to be one of the things i have distinguished, honestly.

an extra little note: positive reinforcement rocks. i just wrote an e-mail to my teacher about missing class on thursday and some rambling and stuff, but she ended up THANKING me for telling her about Thursday. weather she meant it or not, i don't know, but that's not what matters here.

Thursday, October 17, 2002

the cat litter really reeks
my power bill still hasnt been paid as far as i know
ugh, typing about all these bad things and things i need to do that i didnt do make me sick to my stomach.
got off the phone with dad really quickly and he thinks that means i'm doing fine.
what it means is that i don't want him to ask me questions that are going to lead to dissapointing answers.

why have i still not done anything that i really want to do?

i was cold, and picking my rumpled jeans off the floor made me feel at home somehow.

so i call the disabilities office or whatever, and Lisa was in with student, so i had to leave a message. i left my number with the message, but didn't include the area code. i assumed that if i left it off, like i usually do around here, the person on the other end of the line would assume it was a local number and would therefore apply the ONLY local area code. i was wrong. the lady asked "what's the area code?" and i said.. "oh , it's local."
in which she replied, 334?

well, ofcourse 334... that is the only local area code. okay, no this is not a serious thing, and i guess if i was a 'minutes' person about my cell phone i could argue that it wasted a minute, but i'm not one of them and i dont care about my minutes. i just found the whole thing kinda odd and dumb.

Tuesday, October 15, 2002

mom said she left a comment
i see no comment

Monday, October 14, 2002

it's not just you, and it's not just me
all americans are suffering from more stress

Wednesday, October 09, 2002


the cold weather always puts me in the past, into another memory. it makes me feel as if the present isn't really existing. sometimes i can figure out what memory i'm living, and sometimes i can't. just now, it felt as if i had wandered out of my dorm room freshman year, out to experience another miserable day.

i have finally found a therapist whom i love. i've had some that i liked alright and everything, but this woman is amazing. she asks the right questions and a lot of times, she already knows the answer, and she knows why that is the answer. i don't feel dumb telling her about all my 'little things' and i don't feel dumb crying in front of her. i don't feel dumb being honest with her.

by the way, it is only 65 degrees. to me that is cold enough.

Monday, October 07, 2002

My cat is crawling onto my monitor and into the bookshelf above.... this climbing progress he is making is NOT good.
Although, he is awfully cute up there.

so, i copied Bitsy, and went to this site to see what my names say about me

Your name of Elizabeth gives you a very idealistic but passive outlook on life. You desire culture and all the refinements of life but you are inclined to live in your dreams. Although you would like to do many things, procrastination undermines your accomplishment and success in life. You do not like to create issues and will do anything to avoid a conflict. Making decisions is difficult for you without the support and approval of others. This name gives you a very sensitive nature, making you feel much that you do not understand. Your feelings are easily hurt, at which times you are inclined to withdraw and become uncommunicative. Although you desire the friendship and association of others, you find it difficult to express your thoughts through the spoken word, and others find you hard to get to know. It is much more natural for you to express your deeper thoughts in writing. Inner tension can deplete your physical vitality. You are inclined to indulge in rich foods that lack proper nourishment. The physical weaknesses due to this name centre in the heart and respiratory organs, and in the fluid functions.

i was going to underline the parts that were mostly me from this, but the whole thing describes me pretty accurately i think... so i'd have underlined the whole thing.

well Jesus, Mary, and Joseph... they have my name on here spelled correctly, can you believe it?

The influence of Linzey makes you positive, self-assertive, and independent. You can be creative, inventive, and ingenious in practical matters, such as handicrafts. When you have the opportunity to pursue your own goals and interests free from interference, you can feel very agreeable and express a buoyant optimism. On the other hand, you can be impulsive and forceful when opposed, and act without due forethought and discretion. Hence you have many bitter experiences and generally rather unsettled conditions in your life, with little progress and financial accumulation. You cannot tolerate any domination by others, or circumstances that restrict your freedom and independence. You are inclined to make changes abruptly in your life as an escape from such conditions. When annoyed or offended, you can be very candid and sarcastic in your speech. Many disruptions in friendship and association have thus resulted. Verbal expression is difficult for you, and you can be forthright in situations requiring delicacy, even though it is not your intention to be. The intensity of your nature would cause you to suffer in the senses of the head, as well as with digestive problems. You also would have a sensitivity in your solar plexus. In extreme cases, mental turmoil, major stomach operations, and accidents of a serious nature could occur.

same goes for this one... the whole thing is very ME, according to ME. of course how i see myself is barely how others see me i would think. i wonder if my friends think these describe me well. hopefully, they'll let me know with those handy little comments i have on here. ( i got new ones, so maybe these will work better than the last ones i had.... to those of you who said there were problems)

i think the ingenious part of the Linzey description is most accurate of course.. and the 'intensity of your nature would cause you to suffer in the senses of the head,' was a line i found quite interesting and note-worthy.

okay okay okay, and then i got really nervous when i realized how much of the description was true, such as the suffering in the senses of the head, (that is, if i am interpreting that sentence correctly, mental note to self: reading comprehension needs serious work) as well as with digestive problems, and we all know how my stomach gives me problems, hence the loss of 2 more pounds. But maybe digestive problems doesn't necessarily mean the stomach problems i have. oh, who knows.. i don't know what the hell any of this means, i'll need someone else to help me figure it out.

anyway, back to why i became nervous... accidents of serious nature could occur? mental turmoil is present, assuming (which i am) that my diagnonsense is considered mental turmoil, then these accidents could occur. it is true that i have always considered the thought that anything can happen at any given time (such as, amputees and people in wheelchairs didn't know they'd end up that way a mili second before they did, so i know i am not invincible) but this description of my name spells it out.

now, i need to dismiss all of this information from my head and get done what really needs to get done around here.

Sunday, October 06, 2002

on this guy's website, i found a link to this article that claims that a blue-print was found to prove that President Bush has had this in mind all along...
i dunno what to think about it... cause wouldn't this be like, a HUGE story?

i'm on the phone so this is very shitty writing that i am just trying to get down....

Friday, October 04, 2002

this west coast phenomenon, as they call it, has ended up making one lung cancer patient rich by suing Philip Morris. I don't get it though, because i thought there were tons of people who now have lung cancer that started smoking back when they didn't let people know it was bad for them. Why does she get so much money? are her lungs worth more than others' who have suffered cancer and even death? does she just have the best lawyer or soemthing? and if she does have the best lawyer, then he costs alot, which would mean that she probably doesn't need the money.

not that that is the point anyway. there are two things here i don't understand:

1. assuming the reason this story is so big is because of the large sum of money, why did she get that much money?
2. if the amount of money isn't the reason this story is big, then why is it big when people have forever been suing?

i do know that my step grandfather had to have a cancerous lung removed and he didn't get money like that.
ofcourse, he also denies that the cigarette smoking is to blame.

these are probably very dumb questions and you are probably wondering how anyone could be as clueless as Linzey.


it was almost as if he was a hallucination we had created ourselves. the way he unexpectedly barges through the door and into our conversation, asking if there was anything he could do for us.

we sat around on the sofas in the living room and he would sit on the arm of one of the couches with a guitar playing old favorites and mixing them up to make his own creation. He claimed to not know how to play and would casually ask for us to join in singing with him, but you could hear the desperation in his voice. Nobody had invited him over and it seemed like maybe no one wanted him there either. He tried to be funny, but he seemed like the geeky guy in movies who is always in the background trying to become more popular by trying to feed needs of ours that he assumed we had. He would occasionally say something with a hint of humor, and everyone would laugh, but blowing it off as weird. Maybe what he had to say was important, or maybe it wasn't? He, and the acoustic guitar would move across the room to settle down on the back of the sofa i was sitting on, and soon afterwards would disappear. Though not into thin air, he had disappeared and definitely seemed to be absent now.

he was definitely gone and no one really cared, or seemed to care at least. I was curious as to what happened to him, because i am always curious, but i didn't really care either. We knew he'd be back at some point.
He always comes back.

Wednesday, October 02, 2002

not only is this guy hideous, but he is a moron for what he did, and with a guilty plea to all eight charges, maybe he knows it.
okay, i am going to try and stay calm during this time of utter frusteration. killing the cat won't help the situation, you'll just be upset with yourself... i wouldn't ever really kill him. i wouldn't even hurt him... at least not too badly. that dumb cat of mine has somehow managed to erase everything i just typed. i am so friggin sick of him doing that. he does it all the damn time. he sits there like he's innocent and then jets across the keyboard with no warning.

every time i flush the toilet, or anyone flushes the toilet for that matter, Houston (the dumb cat--he's not really dumb, i'm just upset with him right now) races into the bathroom, promptly jumps up onto the toilet seat and stares into the bowl watching the water spin around and around... i wonder if he will ever fall in.

so, back to the story i was typing that got erased by that beast

alright, so it didn't turn out to well, and it is totally out of focus, but it says "ABERCROMBIE ACADEMY" and then underneath that it says "for boxing"

this morning while waiting to see Dr. Petersen, another man entered the waiting room and stood close to where i was wiating.
he asked me if i boxed, and i said "no" and then i asked him if i look like i box. (i mean, i hear soccer all the time, but boxing?)

he said that i didn't, but he had taken notice to my shirt and told me how he was a boxer way back in his time.

'great' i thought. now i have to humor this guy and pretend i care. i mean, he did seem nice, so i thought i'd try to continue a civil conversation.
"i guess they didn't have shirts like this then," i said, attempting to be kinda funny. i don't think it was funny at all... but at least i tried.

he went on to say they had boxing camps (i'm not sure if he said camps or what) but there weren't any boxing academies.
"i've never heard of Abercrombie Academy for boxing," he proclaimed as i stood there in shock from what he said.

oh my gosh, does he really think this shirt is for real? does he now know abercrombie makes shirts like this all the time to make people feel cool? did he not figure out that a real boxing shirt would not have rhinestones on it? i stood there paralyzed wondering if i should say something to him. i didn't want to make him feel dumb, but i didn't want to send him off into the world thinking there was an abercrombie academy for boxing. do i tell this naive former boxer the truth? that there really is no academy for boxing... how do i tell him? does it really even matter if he thinks there is an academy or not?

no, it really doesn't matter. finally, i decided to tell him that it isn't a real academy, that it's just an abercrombie and fitch t-shirt. (whew, i did it. i told him)
i hope i didn't make him feel dumb.

i bet he was excited when he thought he got to talk about boxing. that's so sad... i killed it for him.
then, i was thinking that it is possible that he was just staring at my chest and thought i noticed so he had to pretend he was interested in my shirt.
i may never know.


my dad thinks he is hilarious calling me and saying he is the FDA calling... it's his way of reminding me to wake up, eat breakfast and take my medicine. dad's corny jokes... what would we do without them?

i just went and saw Dr. Petersen.. She wasn't bad at all... i liked her. if i had time, i'd talk about it, but i have class in 15 minutes.

so, after all this time, self breast exams are good for nothing? that is what this article says, and i am going to argue it anyway. I could swear i heard someone speak once that said it was self breast exam that got them into a doctor, and then when that doctor rejected that she had cancer, she saw another doctor, and it ended up saving her life. weather or not they are proven to save a life, it's not like there is any harm in doing them, nor does it take more than 5 minutes.